Running from a huge Grizzly! Apparently he likes huckleberries too! Oh no! I'm going to be bear poo! What? Huh? Oh, phew. Just a dream, one that I have had several times. You know, when you move to a very remote place that has wild, dangerous animals, your dreams go through a marked change. At least your nightmares do. Growing up in Houston, Texas, my dreams consisted mostly of tornado themes, snakes and getting car-jacked. But here, in our mountain woods, my nightmares are pretty much about wild animals chasing me or, even better, falling off the mountain's edge while driving and hurtling to my death in snowball-like fashion. Not scary at all. Interesting even. Just love going to bed at night. Sheesh.
We live in a place that has mountain lions, bear, moose, elk, deer, porcupines, eagles, vermin, I mean ermine, pack rats, mice, grouse, chipmunks, frogs ( I know, weird right?), hawks, turkeys, something odd called a Hoary Marmot, cute little rats that look like huge gerbils, etc... but no poisonous snakes! Yay! Some of these are not dangerous and even taste good (not porcupine - unfortunately I know). Some of the other animals are dangerous and distressingly, see you as 'food'. Getting used to watching out for some of the more carnivorous variety takes a while. I'm just not used to having to protect myself from being eaten. Shot? Yes. Run over? Certainly. Accosted by an Amway Rep? Often. But actually being chased down and eaten? I don't think so.
The first few walks I took when we moved here were about ten feet from the house. When I eventually made it back home I was SO relieved! Whew! Safe! But as time went by and these man-eating animals didn't seem to be hanging around, I grew less and less frightened and my nature walks got further from the house. I loved my walks. So quiet and peaceful. The woods smelled wonderful. And the antlers! What treasure! (Hey, if you haven't been hunting for moose antlers yet, don't judge me. You have no idea what you're missing.)
On these walks I would often see poop, all different kinds of poop. I wondered, "What kind of poop is that?" So I found a book that explained it very well called, What Kind of Poop Is That? (I kid you not.) This book was really informative and helpful but unfortunately brought back some of the fear. While reading this book I was dismayed to realize I had been regularly walking by bear poo (which my dogs LOVE by the way). Ugh. Bears. Scary.
I was grousing (ha - grouse) to my husband one day about not being able to go on my walks anymore. He said, "Nah, they're not up here." Um excuse me? There is bear poop right on the hill behind the house. You know what he said then? "Oh Pooh." (Ok not really. It was more like "Bulldooky". Potty mouth.) I then showed the pictures of bear poo in the book to him (which looks unsettlingly just like human poop). He then oh so encouragingly said, "Well, maybe it's not bears. Maybe it's squatters. Haw." Bless his little pea pickin' heart for trying to be comforting and all. Tsk.
Even after this helpful exchange, I was still afraid to go on walks and was really disappointed by that. (There were antlers to find!) So my husband took pity on me and tried again to help, in his own 'interesting' way (usually a frustrating, unsuccessful endeavor). Here is the conversation that thus ensued (his part is all very twangy - being from East Texas - and kind of disgusted-sounding):
Butch - "Ok, let's talk about this so you can feel better." (Actually what he said was, "Since you're being so ridiculous and wimpy, let's get this hashed out so I don't have to hear about it anymore.") "First of all, if you see a bear or a mountain lion, DON'T PANIC."
Me - "Huh?"
Butch - "Second of all, if you see a mountain lion, make yourself look BIGGER."
Me - "Huh?"
Butch - "Third of all, if you see either one of those, DON'T RUN. He will see you as something to chase, dinner getting away and he won't be able to help chasing you down. If I hear that you ran, I will shoot you myself."
Me - "HUH?"
Butch - "If you find that you do have to run from a bear, remember that you cannot outrun him. They are fast suckers even if they do weigh a couple thousand pounds. Just remember that bears don't run down hill very well so head Pell Mell down hill and don't look back. Don't even get up if you fall. Just keep rolling." (Ok he didn't say Pell Mell. He said, "Run like hell" but I am Baptist and didn't want to cuss. Although it does work pretty well there.)
Me - "Huh?"
Butch - "Do NOT shoot at them if they're not being a threat. They are just innocent woodland creatures out for a stroll, minding their own bidness, who want nothing to do with you and probably aren't hungry anyway. Just slowly back up and don't present a threat - no sudden movements, no screaming for Pete's sake, NO running. And the dogs will probably protect you and run them off anyway."
Me - "Snort!"
Butch - "Now if for some weird reason they do come after you and you are in fear for your life, try shooting the gun just to warn them off. If that doesn't work, try to just hit them in the leg so they will have a hard time running. But you're not a very good shot with the .38 so..... you're probably just going to piss the bear or mountain lion off and then he will eat you, just out of pissed-off-ness. And the shot gun isn't much better. You'll just end up peppering his butt and really pissing him off.
And remember, the bear that has been seen around here is commonly believed to be deaf. So the gun noise won't scare him off."
Me - "I am TOO a good shot. And why am I even carrying a gun at all then?"
Butch - "For protection! Now don't interrupt! If all else fails, roll up into a little ball, covering your head with your arms and kiss your butt goodbye, 'cause you're a GONER. Haw haw!" (His annoying attempt at humor.)
Me - "Well. HUH."
(Sidenote: In the interest of literary integrity and honesty, I swear on my gorgeous dog's head we had this exact conversation. So helpful!)
Alas, I just decided one day that I couldn't live without my walks, getting chewed on or not. So I began hiking and searching for antlers again. That was five years ago and, amazingly, I haven't been chased yet. I did walk up on a mountain lion one day, about twenty feet away, with no gun (me, not the mountain lion). He just looked me up and down and simply sauntered away. I didn't even have a chance to use any of the sage advice my sweet husband gave me. I don't remember most of it anyway. What was I supposed to do if I saw a mountain lion again? Make myself look bigger? Slowly back away? Play dead? Run? Freeze and pray? Oh well, it doesn't mater. The dogs will save me anyway. SNORT! ;)
It’s been said that our lives are the sum total of the choices we have made. Your off grid experience will be too. You will have to choose between what you need, what you want, what you absolutely HAVE to have and most importantly, what you can live without. It’s different for all of us who are off grid. One person might think something is completely unnecessary while another thinks it’s vitally important and absolutely essential (like a microwave for example). As my husband often says, “You can have anything you want off grid. YOU just have to make it work.” This is true but there is some sacrifice involved. Unless you have pocketfuls of money, then you can’t have everything you have in town, where “the livin’ is easy and the power is high” (it’s really “the cotton is high” but thought that worked pretty well. hee hee…. Porgy and Bess. George Gershwin. Nothing? Never mind.)
There is quite a bit to think about before diving into the decision to go off grid. Even though it may seem overwhelming at first, take courage! It gets easier. Once you do some research, slogging through the vast Mire of Information, wading through the Morass of False Claims, paddling through the Swamp of 1000 Decisions and clambering out of the Bog of Personal Priorities, you’ll be all set and ready to go! (If not a little soggy.) If you are seriously considering the possibility of going off grid, then let’s talk, shall we? There are a few important things that need to be thought about before you go plunging ahead into the Quicksand of … (ok, I’ll stop.). Your most important considerations are:
When looking for a certain ‘profile’ for the type of people who go off grid, I realized… there isn’t one. All kinds of people go off grid for all kinds of reasons. I used to think that it was mostly hippies who wanted to escape the excesses of our culture or environmentalists who wanted to be less dependent on fossil fuels and live more ‘eco-friendly’ lives or survivalists getting ready for the next zombie apocalypse. Mais non! (French for “But no! Boy was I wrong or what?”) Even on our mountain with just a handful of off gridders, there is a diverse, interesting mix of people and motivations for choosing this kind of lifestyle, with a variety of goals and purposes. I am as surprised as anyone. Who knew?
We have met OTGers who are old and young, Southerners, Northerners, hippies, vegans/health nuts, preppers/survivalists, environmentalists, “going green’ers”, successful businessmen, Conservatives, Liberals, rich, poor, city folk, country folk and good ol’ regular (amazing) mountain people. If I had to pick the most common reason we have found for people to go off grid, though, it would be the same reason we did – we wanted land. Land we could afford. Which meant land that was 100 miles away from electricity. Ok, not 100. But still, too far away. So the choice was either: not have any land OR buy land which would require us to go off grid. And hey! Why not? What’s the big deal anyway? We’d have our own personal piece of paradise, out in the country, away from the noise and occasional jostling in town, living more cheaply, in peace and quiet and most importantly, getting to watch moose run hilariously down the road. What’s not to love?
People often ask us why we are off grid. And we tell them. We are somehow able to make it sound cool enough that people then ask, “So how does one actually do this? Where does one 
