Things to Learn Living Off-Grid in the Mountains

Things to Learn Living Off-Grid in the Mountains

--People who bathe every day are wasteful.
--People who bathe three times a week are wasteful.
--Learn to enjoy cute little critters - chipmunks, deer, grouse, elk, moose, porcupine, pack rats, mice, mountain lions and bears.
--Learn how to use a gun.
--People who have electricity are soft.
--Learn that stumbling around in the dark is good practice for you if you ever go blind.
--Outhouses are more sanitary. People who poo inside their homes are gross.
--Learn to think of the noise the generator makes running 12 hours a week as good, restful, ambient noise - kind of like crashing waves!
--People who have running water in their homes are spoiled.
--Yes, the pipe coming out of the wood stove gets hot too. Ouch.
--Learn that having to heat water on the wood stove (to boiling) to wash your dishes with is more hygienic. And good for your hands!
--Gathering ten cords of wood in the summer - getting into shape the easy way!
--Learn that splitting ten cords of wood by hand is GREAT therapy.
--Learn that going to GET your water each week makes you appreciate every single drop.
--Learn to like your mate - he's all you've got.
--Learn basic nursing skills - stitches, tourniquets, saving mangled limbs, etc...
--Learn to think of your weight gain and bigger butt as extra padding to keep you warm in winter. Skinny = COLD.
--DO NOT try to pet a bear or mountain lion cub, no matter how little and cute they are and how tempting it is.
--If you see a mountain lion or bear cub, PANIC, 'cause Momma is close by.
--Learn that snowshoes do not necessarily keep you on top of the snow.
--Learn to be adventuresome and try new foods - grouse, moose, elk, porcupine, pack rat, road kill, etc...
--Learn to think of 18 hours of darkness in the winter as good protection against skin cancer!
--Learn to use a chainsaw. It will be your best friend.
--Memorize the number of Life Flight.
--Learn to think of your dogs as loyal companions, rat catchers and early warning systems, but NOT as protection. They will be gone at the first sign of trouble. Tsk. 
--Be sure to name your old truck, tractor and chainsaw. That way you will treat them as the indispensable friends they are. Names like Willy, Bertha, Fred, Charlie and Wilma are good respectable names they can be proud of.
--Do NOT however name your chickens, pigs, rabbits or goats. They will probably be dinner one day and you don't want to sit down and have to face Kirby on a plate.
--Learn to appreciate the blisters you get from burning your hand on the wood stove - over and over again. They are badges of honor.
--Do NOT wear lip balm before you cut wood, sweep or deal with pack-rat-home 'dust'. You will regret it.
--Learn to think of SPAM as comfort food.
--Learn to not ever sit things on top of your wood stove when you're not using it in the summer. You WILL forget and do it in the winter too.
--Learn to love venison and other 'game' meats. It's the only thing you will ever eat again.
--Learn to love the wonderful peace and quiet (or you will go mad). There will be LOTS of it.
--Learn to love hearing your husband tell the same stories over and over (and over) again. Think of it as getting to know him really well.
--Learn to like living without modern conveniences like a microwave, dishwasher, coffee maker, T.V., hair dryer, power and hot water. Life is just so much simpler this way.
--Learn which plants and mushrooms are edible. Mistakes are disastrous if not highly entertaining.
--Learn to live happily without a T.V. You don't need to know what's going on in the world anyway. And you'll have more time to hear your husband's stories!
--Learn to think of driving on steep icy roads as 'skiing in your car'. It's FUN!
--Learn to think of soot covering everything in your house as a protective barrier and a great way to leave messages for your mate.
--Learn to wear a black robe instead of a white one. The white one will just be black at some point anyway.
--Learn to think of road kill as 'nicely seasoned meat'.
--Learn to think of the green stuff floating in your water as 'healthful algae'.
--Learn to think of contact with other human beings as annoying. Once or twice a year is plenty. Friends and relatives? Who needs 'em? (sob)
--Learn to think of the used toilet paper that you're not allowed to flush in the actual toilet as a GREAT fire starter. (Ick)
--Learn that not flushing your toilet every single time you use it makes YOU a very responsible water saver.
--Learn to listen to your husband and tamp down the snow before you go pee. It will save much misery and embarrassment. Trust me.
--Learn to duck when your husband yells and ask questions later.
--Learn to keep your mouth shut when you are mudding the ceiling.
--Learn to keep your mouth shut when your husband suggests using potato sacks as 'curtains'.
--DO NOT let your husband pick out the paint. He is going for cheapest, not prettiest. He will adamantly deny that puce is ugly.
--Learn to love and appreciate pack rats, hard-working, admirable little #%&^%*^'s!.
--Learn to think of ice covering the inside of your windows as cool (yes, it's intended.)
--Learn to think of callouses as beautiful things - you earned them
--Learn to think of the fifteen years of age you've put on your face in three years as the look of a woman who is strong, mature and full of character, which others will admire and envy.
--Learn to think of poachers as target practice.
--Learn to put the deep, deep mines you have on your place to good use!
--Learn that a sunny day in the winter is a gift straight from God and is to be soaked up and appreciated for the rare and wonderful thing it is.
--Learn the meaning of 'three dog night' and put it to use.
--Learn to appreciate shivering - it burns calories!
--Learn how to use: a tractor, snow plow, snow blower, water pump, chainsaw, back hoe, air compressor, welder, generator, Insta Heat, inverter, skill saw, drill, hammer, road grader, old piece of poo lawn mower, weed eater with metal teeth instead of wire, a maul and wedge, wood stove, battery charging cables, chains for the tires and tractor, the tractor bucket and shredder, a cantankerous 1958 Willys Truck, etc...etc...etc....

See? No big deal. Piece of cake. Really.